I have had tunnel vision all day. Really, for the last couple of days. My 16 year old daughter leaves for Europe tomorrow. She will be there studying abroad for the next 10 months. I have thought of little else. Sure I’ve completed work, and I’ve even killed it in sales calls, but my mind is still elsewhere.
These pay few days have been like a dream. As if time has slowed down even though it still seems to pass by so fast. I reminded with every conversation that she is leaving. Everyone means well, and I am grateful for their interest. To tell you the truth, I think it has helped me to talk about it. To let people know that even though I’m trying to be this strong man, I’m hurting and sad inside.
This dreamlike state made me think of the closing scene in the 1980s movie Raising Arizona. When H.I. is narrating his dream. He speaks of this utopian land that he is in. He says, “if not Arizona, then a land not to far away. Where all parents are strong and wise and capable and all children are happy and beloved. I don’t know. Maybe it was Utah.”
I know this sounds like an incredibly random quote, but honestly, that is how my head and my heart feel at this very moment. Sending my child half way across the globe is not going to be easy, yet I’m sure that I will try to be strong and wise and capable. But really, I will feel weak and naive and vulnerable. The dream is the way to go, and I hope to feel the serenity that H.I. felt describing his dream. I don’t know.
Maybe it is Utah.