Will Doing Good Get Me Into Heaven?

No. Not in and of itself. You can read my book No Law, and live by the principles and still not get into Heaven. There are some that believe that they will go to Heaven just simply because they are good people and do good works for others. This is not the case. The Bible expresses that by believing that God sent Jesus to die for our sins and confessing our sins to God is the only path to Heaven. Goodness certainly helps you to maintain a good reputation though. And it will help to draw others to you so that we may bring others to Christ. That is what we are on this earth to do. Bring glory to God. I know this, and I am working through my conscious decision making to ensure that I am trying to live in a way that is both pleasing to God and morally good. The most important decision that I have ever made is to follow Christ. And it is my duty to bring others to Christianity. Please don’t think that the No Law life will be enough. I hope that if my book has made you feel more fulfilled, and you have enjoyed the changes that you have made, that you will make the decision to start attending a church that will help bring you to God. It is the best decision that I have ever made.

Self-Awareness and Self-Control

I am a big fan of self-awareness. I have taken almost every personality test that exist. It comes in really handy when I am trying to describe myself and my work habits to others. I know what makes me tick and can communicate it to others so they understand where I am coming from.

I suggest that everyone take as many of these as possible. You can typically find them online, or at least, an abridged version of them. I might add that you should probably take them every couple of years. The truth is: we change. Our mindset changes. Our world view changes. And yes, that means our personality changes.

My favorite is DISC—DISCovering Yourself and Others. I like this one because it is very simple, and categorizes individuals into four main personality types. This was the first one that I was conscious of taking. I liked it so much the first time that I took an extended version of the test and the training so that I could learn to read others without giving them the actual test. I’ve gotten fairly accurate at it too. However, that is a subject for another time.

When we are self-aware, we can start to see patterns emerge. We begin to learn what triggers us. For example, there are a few certain times when I know that I am going to want to have a beer in my hand. When I’m grilling for a large group. When I am at the lake. When I finish working in the yard for hours on end. Instead of avoiding these activities, I have changed my lifestyle to make myself not want to give in to these triggers. The thing that works best for me is working out between eating dinner and going to bed. I understand that this may not work for everyone, which is why it is important for you to decide the best strategy for you. It works for me because I don’t want the extra calories as well as the fact that I have worked too hard to get fit to screw it up by having so many drinks that I don’t want to work out. Besides, what am I celebrating? The fact that I can cook, or mow a yard and plant tons of plants. I do it every year and sometimes even more often. It is really not that big of a deal?

If you want to develop self-control, learn to be self-aware.

When to Take it Down a Notch

I have been known to tease my friends with fierce voracity. I mean, I really go for the jugular sometimes. The majority of my friends have very high self-esteem and are incredibly confident. At least, that is the way that I perceive them. I perceive them to be very much like me. That said, I am very in tune with their non-verbal cues as to when I may be taking it too far, or using the same cutting joke over and over to the point that it is just annoying. Sometimes I don’t abide by the statement I made in my book No Law about “being thoughtful with my words.” Or sometimes I am thoughtful with them, but in the wrong manner. When I pick up on their body language or their “moans” or “courtesy laughs” I try to take it down a notch. In some cases, I just come right out and apologize. I don’t want to be that guy that comes across as a bully.

If you want to develop gentleness, know when to take it down a notch.

Fear Cannot Coexist with Faith

When you have faith in anything or anyone, you know longer fear the unknown with regard to that person or thing. If you fear your neighbor’s dog, you are more than likely not going to walk right up to it, extend your hand and start petting it. However, if you have faith that the dog will not bite you, then you have no problem walking right up to it and petting it until it rolls over and forces you to rub its belly. I mention in my book No Law, that I often felt that I was in over my head with the writing process. Yet, I continued because my faith in the process and what I was doing was stronger than any fear that I had. Will I be judged? Likely. I expect that people will start looking for reasons to try to discredit me. This does not worry me in the least. Brendon Burchard calls this the success tax. Once you have a little success there are going to be those around you that will attempt to discredit you, judge you, ridicule you, etc. You can cower to fear, or you can continue to push forward through faith.

If you want to develop faithfulness, learn to dance with your fear.

I’m No Mother Teresa, Ghandi, or Dali Lama

I’m not going to sit here and try to convince you that I am any kind of saint. Yes, there are times that I do or say things that could be construed as morally bad. I mentioned this in the introduction of my book No Law. I listen to music that has somewhat questionable content. I like to drink beer, and more often than not, more than one. I have a tendency to cuss like a sailor. When I think of moral goodness, up at the top of the list to me are individuals like Jesus, Mother Teresa, Ghandi, and the Dali Lama. The choice really is mine. I can choose to live more like them, but then my actions have to match what I’m saying for the choice that I have made.

If you want to develop moral goodness, identify with people that you associate with moral goodness.

It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It

I have heard my wife tell me this time and time again, and I have also been on the delivery end of this statement. Our tone of voice changes everything that we say. To truly be intent on our actions, we need to start taking notice of not just what we say, but the tone of voice we use when we say it. It is OK to say something, hear the tone of your voice and say, “I’m sorry, my tone was all wrong, I meant to say it like…” It may seem awkward, but trust me, it is a great deal less awkward than being in an argument the rest of the evening for saying something the wrong way.

If you want to develop kindness, listen to the tone of voice you use and make corrections if needed.

Maintaining Patience and High Standards

I was listening to the Impact Theory podcast one day, and Tom Bilyeu made such a profound statement about his expectations of others. If you know anything about Tom, he has incredibly high expectations of himself. You don’t build a successful company from the ground up without high expectations of yourself. Tom said during the podcast that because he expects so much of himself, that he sets incredible expectations for others as well. The profound part of his statement was “even though I have these high expectations of others, when they do not meet them, I must still love them for who they are.” We all have expectations which is why we tend to be impatient. The senior pastor of my church once said that the one thing you should expect from another human being is disappointment. And trust me, people will deliver. If we expect disappointment from others instead of expecting them to meet all of our needs all of the time, we will be pleasantly surprised when those expectations are indeed met.

If you want to develop patience, let love guide you.

Clearing Your Mind of Everything

One day I was listening to Lewis Howes School of Greatness podcast when he interviewed Michael Gervais. Michael Gervais has worked with many pro athletes and professional sports teams helping them with their mental processes. Michael described a breathing exercise that is designed to completely clear your mind. Have you ever tried to sit and just not have a single thought cross your mind? This is more difficult than you might imagine, and once you try it you realize that it is nearly impossible. Our mind is a busy organ. Random thoughts just seem to emerge out of the blue. No wonder we have so much trouble sleeping or concentrating on anything.

The exercise works like this: You breath in and out as deeply as possible. The only thought you should allow yourself is the number of the rep counted as you exhale. If any other thought emerges, you immediately start over at one. The furthest that I had ever made it is four breaths until recently when I reached twenty-one breaths. I usually fall asleep during this exercise. I use this most often when I cannot seem to shake negative thoughts or negative self-talk. The brain and particularly self-talk are incredibly powerful. When I just don’t feel good enough mentally, physical, or spiritually, I will often use this exercise to find peace.

If you want to develop peace, learn to clear your mind, and do it often.

High on Life

When I made my transition from “miserable human” to “almost tolerable to be around again,” my wife asked me if I had gotten back on anti-depressants. I was not on medication. I was not taking anything at all. I was indeed high on life. This is something that is written a sheet of paper that I carry with me always. “Bring the Joy!” I have to remind myself daily to be joyful in all I do. This is part of living a life of intention. I’m not going to lie and tell you it is easy. We create a great deal of perceived misery in our lives. We do this because we fail to show gratitude for the mundane things that we have in life. The mundane really isn’t mundane at all. I think it just comes down to what we believe we are entitled to or what is routine. We should be grateful for those things.

If you want to develop joy, learn to be grateful.

Truly, Madly, Deeply

If I told you that I loved unconditionally, that would be a bold-faced lie. There is not a single one of us that has that capacity. But I tried. I tried and continue to try to love others as they are. Again, my expectations and my perspective often get in the way of this type of love.

I try to love people as they are. Not everybody agrees with my beliefs and values and that is OK. I can still learn a great deal from these individuals. I can still give and receive love to these individuals. There is no need to try to fix what I perceive that they may be dealing with. The coach in me has difficulty with this at times. I have come to terms with the fact that these unique qualities make that individual who they are. And that is a beautiful thing.

I try to love freely like I have never had my heart broken. For me, this is difficult. I often guard my heart until I feel that I can trust others. Feeling vulnerable is not easy for males. We have been taught since we were young boys that “big boys don’t cry.” If big boys aren’t supposed to cry, what are we supposed to do as adult males? Often times we suppress these feelings of heartbreak until we cannot suppress it any longer and we blow up. I have always been one of those that blow up. I look like I’m taking things in stride one minute, and the next I’m exploding in anger at someone. I have worked really hard to rid this attribute from my life. Don’t get me wrong, I still have the occasional melt down, but I do try to be vulnerable more often than not, and what I am finding is that my capacity to love has increased as well as my capacity to get over things.

If you want to develop love, love deeply.